What is Buffering?

posted 27th October 2025

Posted 1 month ago

By Laura Warren

Support hub
What is Buffering?

Understanding “Buffering” and How It Can Hold Us Back

Have you ever found yourself saying things like:
• “I can’t go to school today.”
• “I can’t do that test.”
• “I’m too busy to try that.”
• “That won’t work for me anyway.”
If so, you’re not alone. In life coaching, this is called buffering and it’s something I work on a lot with young people during coaching.

What Is Buffering?

Buffering is basically a way our mind tries to protect us from doing something that feels scary, hard, or uncomfortable. It’s like saying, “I can’t” or “I won’t” instead of facing the challenge head-on. While it can feel safe at the time, buffering often stops us from trying new things, reaching our potential, or learning important life skills.

For example:

  • A child might say, “I can’t go to school because I’m too anxious.”
  • Another might say, “I can’t join that club because I won’t fit in.”
  • Or a teen might think, “I can’t ask for help because they won’t understand me.”

These statements all serve the same purpose they buffer the fear or discomfort. But here’s the thing: buffering doesn’t make the fear go away, and it can actually make us feel stuck or frustrated.

How Life Coaching Helps
As The Youth Coach, I help young people notice when they’re buffering and guide them to take small steps instead.
Life coaching gives children and teens tools to:

  • Notice the thought: Recognise that “I can’t” is just a thought, not a fact.
  • Ask, “Is it really true?”: Can I really not do it, or am I just afraid?
  • Take small, brave actions: Even tiny steps forward, like raising your hand in class or trying a short walk at break, can make a big difference.
  • Build confidence: Every step shows them they can handle challenges, even if it feels scary at first.

By working on buffering, children learn that they have more control over their actions and feelings than they might think. They discover they can face challenges, try new things, and even enjoy the results.
Why It Matters

Buffering might feel like protection, but it can also stop young people from learning, growing, and thriving. By noticing these patterns and practicing new ways of responding, children and teens gain important life skills, resilience, confidence, and self-belief that will help them in school and beyond.

As The Youth Coach, I love helping young people see that just because they feel nervous or unsure doesn’t mean they can’t do something. With the right guidance and support, they can learn to move past buffering and step into their potential.